After the rain comes the rainbow
by WulfriedXanthene
Summary: "Go Cas, he need you" Every single time I said it, a part of what-left-in-my-broken-heart died. I get used to it. He'd nod at me with his teary eyes and walk out that door again and again, time after time.
1. Chapter 1: You go back to him

**You go back to him and I'm go back to black**

"Go Cas, he need you"

Every single time I said it, a part of what-left-in-my-broken-heart died. I get used to it. He'd nod at me with his teary eyes and walk out that door again and again, time after time.

I'd fall myself down at my bed, one hand on my forehead told myself this is the last time I'm gonna cry, after this time I'd give him up, I'd stop playing a fool waiting for something I know never ever going to happen, just after this time, Sam.

I tell myself again and again, time after time for the past four years

You think I don't want to move on from all this shit. I really am, I just can't. If you said I didn't want give up, you didn't know any of it. I'm tired, I'm desperate but there is no cure for this, there is no cure for me.

When you get used to the pain, everything's okay, you can live with it, drown into it and embrace it.

I'd go out on a date, I'd have a good time and think to myself 'hey maybe she could be that person' but when I see him at my door, everything falls back to its place.

They were destined for each other, I know. Dean sometimes being stupid and say something that gonna hurt, I know. Dean is the man any guys or girls would have chosen over me and it's okay. But there's only one person only one who I wish would have chosen me, is it too much to ask?

Put on a smile, head up and be a happy loser. You need to be here with a smile and open arms for Cas next time. He'd fall into my arms, cry his heart out, the pain he feel couldn't be more than me.

His grin, his blue eyes, his clueless look, his everything… I wish there was something about him that I hate but I can't find anything. He is imperfect as the same time the closest thing to perfection.


	2. Chapter 2: Comes a rainbow

**Comes a rainbow**

He called me that night, said he appreciated my help, asked me to go to their small party in the weekend. He sounded exciting and happy. I told him yes.

Everyone we know is there, they're all happy, I should too. I find him, he's grinning at Dean as he pulls him into a quick kiss. I'll be okay, nothing left to break anyway.

They walk to me and put me into a big hug each. Dean takes me to meet his friends back in when he was still in the army. I just get to say hi then he pulls me go again.

"Sam, this is Benny, the one I talked about. Benny this is Sam" So that guy is Benny. Dean always talks so high about him and Sam never believe him until now. He's as the same height as Dean, the look in his eyes tell me he has been through a lot plus attractive as hell.

I offer my hand to shake "Nice to meet you Benny"

He grins back "The pleasure is mine Sam" and shakes my hand

"So you guys keep talking, I have to do something, be right back" Dean said as he rushes away before I can say anything

"So you're pretty famous Sam"

I'm confused "Famous?"

"Dean talked about you a lot, he's proud about you"

I smile at the words "Yeah, I didn't know that"

He lets out a laugh. Again before we can talk more, there is some music suddenly starts, it's a classic rock song, clearly Dean turns it on. He walks out, wearing a black suit, roses in his hand.

The next thing I know, he gets down on one knee in front of Cas, asking him the question. I don't have to see to know Cas is going to say yes. I take a step back, walk out to my car, I have to before I break down. Sitting on the driver seat, two hands cover my face but can't cover my ears from the cheerful clap and voice.

Get yourself together Sam, it's okay, you're okay. He's happy and that's enough. You can be happy, for Cas, for Dean, for everyone.

Breath just breath, in and out. Smile while tears fall down your face.

Suddenly, there's a bang on the car window makes I jump. I turn and see Benny, he looks worried

"Sam, are you okay?" he ask loudly

I roll the window down, smile at him "Yeah, I'm o…"

"No you are not. Your face and nose are red, you just cry and it's not okay"

Tears continue fall down when he said. He's right, no matter how much I try to hide it, I'm not okay, it's not okay at all. I'm fucking broken and feel like shit.

He opens the door in my surprise and takes my hand, pulling me out.

"Hey, where are you guys going?" Dean yells at us

Benny turns around and says "We're leaving!" before drags me with him. I could push him away, I could stop him but I don't want to, it feels so nice, my hand in his and have someone who didn't say something I want to hear, he said things I really deny deep inside.

He walks me down to his car, open the door next the driver seat, I sit in, he close it back and drive. We don't say a word, my tears are dry. He doesn't ask, I don't have to tell.

He stops at the park, turns his eyes at me "You can go out with me or sit here, your choice" and walks out

I know what I should choose. Take a deep breath and pull the door open. He looks at me, shows the brightest smile I've ever seen with his arms open. That moment I know for once in my life, I make the right choice.

I fall into his arms, and it finally feels okay. He holds me tight, whispers "I got you now"

Tears fill my eyes again but expect this time it's happy tears.

"I'm ruining your shirt"

He laughs "Don't worry, you can wash and give it back to me later"

And he adds "In our proper first date"

He is the rainbow after the storm I've searching for.

The first time after four years long, I've found where I belong.

From now on, I start to believe, it's going to get better.


End file.
